Bumble BFF

One crucial aspect of a successful single life is having a quality circle of friends. The older I get, I definitely lean toward the “quality over quantity” motto. Now I do believe that having friends for different parts of you and your life is important. For example, I have my single Mom friends, that I can bring my own kids around and we can be a listening ear when things get difficult with the kids, co-parenting, balancing work life with motherhood, you name it. Having someone that simply understands, is an understated blessing. I also have my city/career girlfriends, that I can meet for weekday lunches or happy hour, blow off steam about work, and discuss future goals with, as well as networking opportunities.

Throughout my tenure as a 21st Century single gal, I think I’ve tried just about every online dating platform there is. All relatively brief stints, but I have dabbled enough to know that while some are more female friendly than others, they all inevitably lead to a great deal of meaningless and repetitive conversations. Conversations that I, personally, just can’t stomach anymore. I guess I am among the dying breed that hopes to just meet someone “organically” somewhere down the line, and it just make perfect sense. But until then, I will mention one benefit I found from the dating app BUMBLE.

As that usual feeling of discouragement and exasperation poured over me for the umpteenth time, I decided to delete my Bumble dating app and just redirect my focus in life. However, as I was deleting the app, I was offered two other Bumble options, BUMBLE BFF, and one for networking/career oriented. I thought, well, what do I have to lose, a new gal pal is always welcome. So I created a profile, which if I’m being honest, was much more ME than the one I created for dating. Not intentionally, but that’s the beauty of building female friendships (healthy ones at least). We can be exactly who and what we are. No sucking in the gut, no push up bra, no qualms about coming off “clingy” or needy.

I am very much an extrovert. Making friends has always come relatively easy to me. But because I split so much of my time between the city and my hometown (over an hour away), I decided this might allow me a bit more freedom and opportunity . It was fascinating to me, the idea that you could screen friends. You could specify what you were looking for (other Mom’s with young children for play dates; gal pals to go wine tasting with; women with fur babies for dog park dates; and the list goes on). Finding common ground with someone before you ever even have to endure an awkward coffee date was appealing on both sides of the spectrum.

I didn’t waste much time reaching out to potential “BFF’s” and soon enough I had some friend dates lined up that gave me a lot to look forward to. There are a couple of women that I now schedule periodic dinner dates with and keep in contact with via social media. Although we don’t see each other TOO often, I will say they have been an asset to my life. Whether it’s catching up on fashion, chick flicks, or work, shopping or finding new hip restaurants to try together, it’s always time well spent.

Brunch date with my Bumble BFF friend Robyn

Date Your Damn Self!

Just because there’s no plus one, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! Ok, ok, that was cheesy. But I am here to attest to it’s truth.

When you are single, you are in a relationship with yourself. In fact, our relationship with ourselves is the longest relationship we will sustain in a lifetime, so we should damn well make it a good one. You’ve heard that how we talk to ourselves, our inner dialogue, sets the precedent for our confidence, our actions (or lack thereof), as well as how we believe others perceive us. We know we need to drink water, get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, take our vitamins……all of the ingredients to a healthy physical state. But equally as important, is our self care and our not just DEALING with being single, but actually ENJOYING the hell out of it.

One way we can do that, is by setting aside a day or night every week for a solo date! It may take a bit of an adjustment period to be comfortable doing things like dining alone, but once you embrace it, I assure you it will be something you look forward to!

Some of my favorite things to do alone are:

Live music – I love an intimate venue, maybe that’s the 33 year old in me talking, but gone are my days of wanting to be shoved and squished in a crowd of people. Working in the City, there are multiple venues I enjoy regularly that offer food, beverages, and comfortable seating, along with some talented artists. And don’t be afraid to dress up, put on those heels and that bright lipstick that your ex said he didn’t like. Looking good always makes you feel good as well. Below is from a night I took myself to the Black Cat club for a jazz show.

Solo date in SF. Dinner & a show.

Day Hikes – Nothing clears your mind and lifts your spirits like some fresh air, good tunes in your headphones, natural beauty, and some exercise. Below is a picture of one of my favorite day hikes along the ocean in San Francisco. For those natives reading, you know it as Lands End.

Spa Days – Need I say more?? Who doesn’t love to be pampered? And since spa time is traditionally quiet, alone time anyway, what better way to refresh yourself?! Be sure to look up spa packages well ahead of time, as they often book up quickly. I like to plan mine toward the evening, if possible, so I can just enjoy a solo Netflix and chill night after.

Farmer’s Market – When the season is right, definitely hit up your local farmers market. It’s another opportunity to enjoy some sunshine, grab some fresh produce and goodies, support local vendors, and maybe catch some live music.

When it comes to solo dates, there’s an ease that comes along with the lack of obligation to make conversation and engage the person(s) around you. It’s freeing and allows your mind to wander, to get lost in a good book, or simply sight see. Oh and if you want to commemorate your date, don’t be afraid to ask someone to take your picture! You’ll be surprised at how many passerby will oblige (and I always offer to return the favor).

Whatever you do, don’t knock it ’til you try it!