There’s a scene in The Devil Wears Prada, one where Andrea says to Nigel, “My personal life is falling apart.” And Nigel responds: “That’s what happens when you start doing well at work. Let me know when your entire life goes up in smoke, then it’s time for a promotion.” Boy do I know the truth of those words. I’ve ended a relationship over a career move and turned down most inklings of potential over work and college pursuits. Because of this and other reasons, I have come to the conclusion that even before it starts, I can guarantee “It’s me, not you.”
Once I accepted the fact that my ambitions exceed my desire to be cuddled and have an ever present plus one, I was able to let go of the guilt. I was able to be present with my life, even if that life means long days of work and homework and solo dining to focus on the aforementioned endeavors.
As I write this post, I’m sipping the most embarrassing (yet unexpectedly strong) “bitch drink” and picking at a plate of Indonesian minced chicken with string beans, while simultaneously checking in and out of college course discussion posts. It’s virtually impossible at this point for me to recall a time when I didn’t have impending tasks. Then I remember the times I lacked clarity, and the activities that led to my engagement in and the people’s whose presence I found myself in; and I feel overcome with gratitude.
I don’t believe that you can have it all, though. Call me cynical, but I simply don’t think I could crush college with A’s and B’s, be on top of work, be an attentive/nurturing mother, maintain self-care and female friendships, while also tending to a romantic relationship. The fact of the matter is, there’s only so much of ME to go around. But there are seasons in life, all of which eventually fuse together to become our ultimate being. And if we look at them as what they truly are, fleeting…..we may be more inclined to appreciate their intrinsic placement in our journey.